I'm going to have a bit of a 'rant' here, but some things really boil my piss (and that is a phrase I HATE and one I do not use lightly) but without wanting to name names and point finger some people seem to be making a lot less effort for the wedding than others and it feels very unfair at times.
Regarding money etiquette it was always ALWAYS our intention to pay for the wedding ourselves, I never asked for any money from either side of the families, it was our wedding which we had chosen and we would ultimately pay for it. Regarding the bridal party we have spent an absolute FORTUNE dressing them...cost of suits, shoes, cufflinks, buttonholes, dresses, jewellery, hair accessories, bouquets. It is by far our biggest expense after the food. And some of the bridal party offered to pay for their own outfits. An offer which was declined by us but they offered non-the-less, showing their commitment and understanding of the high personal cost and pointing out that they would've probably spent the money on an outfit for themselves anyway. But others seemed to just take it for granted that we would spend £150 per person dressing them without so much as a thank you. As I say we declined to let others pay but it was the gesture and appreciation which made it feel worth while.
It is not just the money based gestures but some people have generally committed a great deal more time and effort to doing things. Don't get me wrong, I completely understand everyone has other commitments...I get it...no one can be there for everything. However I also work, Andrew works, My parents both work, my relatives work, my sister had school and most of them have made the effort to put aside a little time (even just an hour or so) to visit, discuss the wedding or to attend open evenings at the venue, meetings with the registrar/photographer/hairdresser etc. There are people who are travelling great distances and at great personal cost paying for travel and/or accommodation and taking holiday time off work to be there. These are not 'rich' people who have money to 'throw away' but regular people with bills and mortgages and kids and there own jobs and life commitments and some of them have made a hell of a lot more effort than people who live 15 minutes away who don't even know if they can stay for the whole evening?!?!? Even though it will only take them 15 minutes to get home and they don't have to pay for excessive long-distance transport or accommodation, or their wedding outfits that we have paid for and probably saved them money on buying their own.
They have not made any effort to offer to come over or attend any single one of the appointments. Not even to say "we are free Wednesday night shall we meet then to have a catch up" Just nothing. It is now 4 weeks to the wedding and there are some of the bridal party I may not even see or speak to properly until the day before. They've made no effort to find out what's going on irrespective of us visiting them and offering for them to come over. I've tried to be really flexible basically saying 'in the last 2 months please come over any day or evening you are free' and getting nothing in return. NOTHING.
I re-iterate, I know people work and I KNOW they have their own commitments but no one works 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for 2 months solid.
It is epically frustrating and very unfair on the people who have made meetings and made the effort and offered the money, and as the bride holding the reins trying to organise everything and people are being non-communicative and don't know where they need to be and when and such.
Not feeling the love right now.
This wedding is feeling very lop-sided regarding effort.
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